Where did you get a picture of my penis
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
