Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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