she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
