well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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