my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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