Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
