Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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