I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
time to smoke my breakfast
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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