Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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