I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
