Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize