is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
