oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
