Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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