My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
