dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
vagina is talking i cant
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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