He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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