11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am available for nakedness
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
