ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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