at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
