did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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