I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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