His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
