worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
