I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
zippers are such a cool invention
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
