dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
