I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
