I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
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im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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