My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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