Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm passing your future prison.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
