Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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