glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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