Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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