the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
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GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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