i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
