i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
