and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
