forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
