If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
