I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
