Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
