Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is the high leading the old right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
