He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
