I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
