Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
