Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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