he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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