i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
