I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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