All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
