She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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