I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
