There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
