You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
