I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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