I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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