bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
