just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
