Im at strip club and am horny
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
