i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
