I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
