Welp...herpes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
