My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
