So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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