Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
