what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
