we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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