So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
