Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
