this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
