You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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