bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
