do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
